Just here. That's all I've got for now. Sorry I haven't been around much, but it's just been too much. To tell the truth, I never thought I would be here. I never thought we would be at this place. Not us, I thought, we did it all right. We went to college, we dated for 3 years, we enjoyed our time as a married couple, and then we were ready. We tried and we waited. And we waited. And waited.
People asked, almost everyday they asked. When? Why not? How many? In church the pastor talked about Hannah. A sweet sermon made to encourage us through the diagnosis of a friend made me cry uncontrollably in the front pew. A sermon that marked the second time I walked out of church.
Every month it's hard. Will it ever get easier? It's hard to read the announcements, it's hard to hear the complaints, and it's hard to deal with the disappointment again and again. It's hard to see that stupid single line. It's lonely too, people don't really want to hear about it, and when they do you can't expect them to understand. They have a cousin, they say, who blah blah blah. It's not what I want to hear. It's more than I can handle.
So here we are at this place. This place where I don't want to be. A place where we need a medical intervention to help with something that comes so simple to 16 year olds on MTV. We are labeled. We are now one of those couples. Maybe in February (with our first IUI) that will change, but for now, here we are.
43 comments:
I will be thinking of you. I know personally how hard it is to struggle as well. There were so many nights where I would wonder why people (like 16 year olds) who didn't deserve to be pregnant had no issues yet I struggled for years. However, when I hold my 6 week old twins, I realize that in the end, it is worth it. I wish you nothing but luck and the strength that you need.
We've only been trying 7 months, but I'm with you in a small way. Definitely agree about the 16 year olds, ugh. I'll be praying for you.
I know you don't know me but I came across your blog a couple of months ago. I feel your pain! My husband and I have been trying for 5 1/2 years and still no baby. It hasn't helped that he's currently on his 4th deployment. We've been to the doctors and had test after test. My husband was diagnosed as sterile. I listen to that song weekly and just cry because being a part of the military community where couples have babies at 18, it's hard. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone!!!! ((HUGS))
I wish I could say something comforting. I hope you had a happy holiday anyway and god bless you and your family in the new year.
I'm the first to admit, sometimes I don't understand God's plans for us at all. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Good luck with your IUI.
Lots of prayers your way my dear. I'm so sorry for your heartbreak.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with this. I can't and won't pretend I understand, as I've never been there... but I might be. We've haven't started trying yet, so it could just as easily be us. I don't know if you read this blog, but if you don't, I highly recommend it. Her language is a little... candid, but she's funny and tells it like it is. I'm also including links to a couple of posts you might like:
http://www.bustedplumbing.com/2010/04/um-yeah-youre-not-helping-why-just.html
http://www.bustedplumbing.com/2010/04/why-just-relax-hurts-part-two.html
(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry, Casey. It will happen & you and Jordan will make fabulous parents when it does.
I understand. Completely. After trying, trying, and trying and then having 3 losses when we didn't even know we were expecting is more than we can bear. I'm so so sorry and my heart truly aches for you.
You will be in my thoughts chickadee!!
BIG (((((((HUGS))))))!!! I can't find the right words right now, but please know that I will be praying for you as I am sure many others will be doing the same.
=( hugs
I'm so sorry you're having trouble. I'll keep you guys in my prayers.
Hi Casey,
Thanks for sharing. I am sure it is not easy for you to think about let alone blog about.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
Casey, I'm so sorry to hear this. I have no words for you so I will just say I'm sending good baby making vibes to you and your hubby! From what I have read on your blog it seems like you will make great parents! Stay strong :)
Oh casey, I'm so sorry. I really hope the treatments work for you guys. You'll be in my prayers tonight.
We support you both and are here for you.
A hug from dad. I love you.
Awww. I'm so sorry to hear/read this!!!! I will be praying for you and your husband. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you guys. Hopefully your first IUI is a total success :)
I am going to say a prayer for you both...it truly works!!! and I believe that!
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this. It was a struggle for us also so I know there's really nothing I can say to make you feel better.. but I do want you to know that you are in my prayers! *hugs*
Preaching to the choir, girl. I understand... I just carried our full term baby boy until 38.5 weeks and gave birth to a child with no heartbeat. Stillborn.
Being pregnant is not always what it's cracked up to be until you actually have a child to smile at in the end. I pray for you and myself in our next attempts. We'll also be trying again in February.
Our child was born December 5 and I know two others who also gave birth that day-- their babies alive. I know about 5 others who gave birth in that month alone. Facebook, face-to-face, in grocery stores... babies are hard.
You aren't alone. I sure hope we can all be moms someday-- and our husbands fathers. Remain positive? Truly, there is no good advice in these situations. Good listeners, but not good advice.
Oh sweet friend! I wish I had read this before I emailed you!!! All I have to say is you and J will be in my prayers ... Lots of prayers!!
Casey..I'm so sorry. I always just assumed you were kind of like me and were too busy traveling and seeing the world to think about having kids right now. Now that I know that's not the case I feel horrible. I really pray that soon you will be blessed with a child of your own!
Thinking about you...
I also wanted to share this story with you. Last month I went to a woman get together for my church. The preachers wife wanted us to share the most memorable Christmas that we have experienced. This lady spoke up and told us her story. She had been trying for 6 years for a baby and was absolutely devastated and just knew that they would never have a baby (after 6 years of trying! and a couple miscarriages) 6 years went by and she came down with strep throat, so she went to the doctor to get some meds. The lady wanted to take her blood and asked if she could test to see if she was pregnant. The lady who was telling the story said "yeah, right.. there is no way" Well come to find out she was positive for both strep throat and she was pregnant! Her story was so touching and a huge testimony.
Sorry my comment was so long, but I just wanted to share that special story that touched me & I hope it touches you too! Just keep believing!
As I sit next to one of my twin boys (the other is upstairs on the computer and their sister is busy w/ a friend sleeping over!) I want to cry. 17 years ago shortly after my husband and I were married we were told... You'll never have children. But I am here to tell you MY GOD, YOUR GOD, is bigger and the Supernatural Healer. 5 years (and a few months) later our twin boys arrived. We prayed for twin boys, used no medical intervention and cried and prayed a lot! Never lose faith. God has a purpose and Plan... He'll tell you in HIS TIMING. My boys were born and 20 SHORT months later their sister arrived. It's been a blessing ever since, I remember nights filled w/ tears and doubt, but stay the course.
Praying for you and your husband. Sometimes God has to take you to Nineveh for you to realize the Power His Word has.
<3
Dear Casey,
I know how you feel. I've been married for 3 years as well with no success. I've also known since I was 12 that having children was going to be extremely difficult. It was one of the hardest things I ever did to look my fiance now husband in the eye and tell him if we were married he may never have biological children. You, like I, are probably blest with a understanding and loving husband who supports you 100%. That being said we are right now in your boat. We need medical intervention. My husband has 1 semester of law school left, debt is high, and I use to cry nightly that we too were 'labeled'. We were that couple that people were terrified to announce pregnancies to, to invite to baby showers, or show off another's bundle of joy to. I hope God grants you peace of mind that He has a plan and way for you two. As difficult as it seems to be 'slow in the race' right now things will get better. I know how hard it is to be asked constantly 'when' 'why wait' and 'aren't you ready' when you've been ready since you said I do. God will only give you as much as you can handle. I've read your blog for a while and you seem like a strong, spirited fighter. Have hope! You mentioned Hannah. Hannah too has been my rock in these difficult times. I highly recommend a book that I read whenever I feel the 'baby blues'. It's called Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake. It is a wonderful and helpful tool as you and your husband go through these trials. Even my husband enjoyed the peace and calm it returned to our household. Stay strong Casey. God has a plan for you. You just may have a few rocky paths to walk hand in hand with your husband.
Praying for you,
Elisa
So sorry to hear of your struggle... stay strong and keep your faith... you'll be in my prayers and I hope 2011 is a better year for you!
this can be a struggle. I am not at that point in my life right now, but I still feel sympathy for you. i will keep you in my prayers!
i came across you blog because i was searching for military family blogs. my brother in law in currently stationed in iraq and my sister made a special blog button for him that i want to share with all military family. we need to spread the love we have for our military men and women. if you would like it, you can find it here: http://lovelypapershop.blogspot.com/
happy holidays and God bless!
I follow your blog too...you are a wonderful person, and I truly believe there is a plan for you. Take each day one at a time and cherish the little things every day...I have faith that you will one day be blessed more than you think!
praying for you. i know it's so hard.
God has a plan and i hope you receive the desires of your heart! hang in there!!
Thinking of you!
It feels so much better to get it out there :)
*hugs* for whatever it's worth, at least we live in a time when medical assistance is an option....i'll be sending lots of sticky dust your way
Casey, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have a very good friend that is going through the same thing. Test after test trying to figure out what is going on and still no luck. I can see in her eyes the disappointment and it kills me. I will pray for you both. Big (((Hugs)))
Oh Casey, I had no idea. I sometimes have selfishly admired your freedom. We experienced a miscarriage and a year of trying, and found out we were expecting when I finally relaxed and had no expectations. Hard, I know. Baby blessings to you!
Been there...done that! And I have felt like 'WHY would God give me a passionand a vision for what would not be? Pain and struggle go together!
My daughter, Amber, is now 25 years old.
My son, Benjamin, is 22.
I am in awe of what God has done. Amber is the jewel in my crown.
God has a perfect plan for YOU!!
Rest in it!
I get it! Your not alone
Sending love and prayer your way.
I just recently started reading your blog, and you seem like such a sweet person. I cannot and will not pretend to understand what you're going through, but I wanted you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
This video made me tear up..... I'm so hoping for you guys! You would make such a good mommy. <3
xoxo
God has plans for you.... Have faith. <3
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's awful I know. We adopted. Praying - relaxing - all of that sort of thing didn't work for us. The stories of "we prayed and prayed and God gave us a child" are NOT helpful! Nor is "we relaxed and quite thinking about it and then BOOM we were pregnant" did not help.
I found a great help online for dealing with infertility, loss, and adoption. Tons of great blogs, tons of great insights, tons of great support. It is http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com/
Good luck. I'll be thinking of you!
I am sorry you are going through this. We have only been TTC seven cycles, but at 34, I am scared time is not on my side.
You are not alone.
Casey, I just rediscovered your blog. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this struggle. We weren't supposed to get pregnant, and after 6 months of trying, we finally were given the gift of our little boy. During that time, I got very discouraged and was very scared. Remember, you are not alone.
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