Just here. That's all I've got for now. Sorry I haven't been around much, but it's just been too much. To tell the truth, I never thought I would be here. I never thought we would be at this place. Not us, I thought, we did it all right. We went to college, we dated for 3 years, we enjoyed our time as a married couple, and then we were ready. We tried and we waited. And we waited. And waited.
People asked, almost everyday they asked. When? Why not? How many? In church the pastor talked about Hannah. A sweet sermon made to encourage us through the diagnosis of a friend made me cry uncontrollably in the front pew. A sermon that marked the second time I walked out of church.
Every month it's hard. Will it ever get easier? It's hard to read the announcements, it's hard to hear the complaints, and it's hard to deal with the disappointment again and again. It's hard to see that stupid single line. It's lonely too, people don't really want to hear about it, and when they do you can't expect them to understand. They have a cousin, they say, who blah blah blah. It's not what I want to hear. It's more than I can handle.
So here we are at this place. This place where I don't want to be. A place where we need a medical intervention to help with something that comes so simple to 16 year olds on MTV. We are labeled. We are now one of those couples. Maybe in February (with our first IUI) that will change, but for now, here we are.