Thursday, August 8, 2013


Sometimes you spend a month giving yourself shots and you end with a sexy outfit (with bonus sexy Turkish shoes, wish I could have kept those) for IVF transfer day.

HOT. Super hot.
Then you spend 2 weeks taking it easy on the couch thinking about the little embryos and googling what is going on during the current day of development. You say you won't take a test before the blood test, but you do. Sometimes the news is good, sometimes it's not.

Sometimes you have a high risk pregnancy that comes with lots of stress and lots of worrying. It ends up well, or at least it did for me, and you start a new journey with lots of new sometimes.

Sometimes you are getting back to normal after the best first birthday party ever and you realize Aunt Flo hasn't come to visit in awhile. No big deal though since you are still breastfeeding and that happens.

Worn out from all the fun!
Sometimes you are celebrating Father's Day but can't even make it to church because you are so sick. So even though you know it's stupid to get your hopes up or even consider the possibility, you take a pregnancy test.

Sometimes you hold the stick, in the middle of the afternoon, and see a positive test. A positive test, people. Then you lose your mind. Completely.

Wait, WHAT?!
Sometimes God has plans we don't understand. Plans that did not include IVF, plans that do not include the sexy Turkish shoes, plans that DO include 2 children under the age of two. Sometimes you are blessed beyond anything you could imagine, again.

Baby #2 Coming February 2014!

Friday, June 14, 2013

Love Like This

In the midst of infertility it seemed as if I was continuously reminded of the incompleteness of my life and the shallowness of my inability to love. "You don't know love until you have a child," they said. "My life wasn't complete until my daughter came along," they said. So there I was childless, and apparently less of a person.

Now, as the mom of a one-year-old (how did that happen?!), I'm going on the record with my disagreement. Yes it's true, my life has changed. It's true that I could not have fully imagined what life would be like as a mom, but love? I knew love.

I felt deep and complete love when a friend sat with me as I heard the news that IVF was our only option for having a child. I saw how giving love could be as she freely gave her vacation time to sit with an emotional wreck. I saw sincere love in the letter she wrote me as she left. I felt life-changing love as my husband held me in the hotel room, still wearing my bloody clothes, after being told we lost our precious babies too soon. I saw sacrificial love when my mom took the next plane out to be with me in my time of need, halfway across the country. And of course, the ultimate expression of love had already changed my life many years before.

And completeness? Do I enjoy what Deacon adds to my life? Absolutely. I savor the new experiences and look forward to the future, but my life was blessed and complete before giving birth. Before the little guy I had a husband who loved me. A husband who I traveled the world with. I had friends that had become my family and enriched my life. I had a profession I was passionate about and looked forward to doing for the rest of my life. I was assured in my salvation and my purpose in life. I felt complete.

So yes, Deacon is absolutely incredible. Certainly now that he is here, I can't imagine what I did with all my free time before (I blogged more, clearly!). However, that does not mean that life is more now, or would have been less then. God blessed us before, and continues to do so today. Infertile friend take heart, you are not less because your family is smaller. You still have much to offer.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Fashion Week

I keep seeing all these Pinterest pins and blogs about mom fashion. Except their mom fashion looks nothing like my mom fashion. For one, I don't shop all the time, so my closet doesn't have all the latest trends. Plus, I often get ready during naps so I have to decide if it's worth it to use the entire nap in order to go to Target looking like a magazine ad. My usual

Please tell me I'm not the only one! Anyone else?

Well, for anyone else out there like me that doesn't wear booty shorts and a statement necklace through Target or have a professional photographer to take my fashion photo, here is MY fashion week...

Day 1: Target
Shirt- Target, old
 Tank- Express, old
Jeans- Levi's 528 Bootcut Curvy Fit (HIGHLY recommend. No crack showing!)
Baby- Cute, new

Day 2: Doctor's Office
Shirt- Old Navy, old
Skirt- Old Navy Jersey Skirt (worn through entire pregnancy too), old
Necklace- Chew Beads, AWESOME
Day 3: Running
Shirt- Target
Skirt- Gap Body
Face- Sweaty

 Day 4: Somewhere fancy, apparently 
Dress- Gap, last year, super clearance
Sweater- Gap, old
Baby- Amazed by phone

Day 5: Playdate in the Park, running late
Shirt- Banana Republic
Tank- Express
Shorts- Gap, fit over post-pregnancy behind

 Day 6: Running, okay, that's a lie, I went nowhere.
Shirt- Free 5K shirt (in which I placed 3rd in my age group!)
Pants- Yoga, Old Navy
Headband- Sweaty Band (AWESOME)

 Day 7: Target, again
Shirt- Gap, old
Tank- Express, probably same one from day 6
Jeans- Levi's 529

So what have we learned here?
1. I have a thing for solid colored short sleeve V necks.
2. My baby gets way more new clothes than I do.
3. Bangs were a mistake and growing them out stinks.

I know you are totally inspired, so go out and get a v-neck and some yoga pants.